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My Story Time:

Okay, bestie, I need to spill the tea on this absolutely unhinged situation that went down. So, my girl squad of fellow Russian TikTok queens—all 12 of us—were in this boujee Moscow club for a private event, slaying as per usual. I’m talking about me (Lisa, the baddest OF girlie, period), Юля with her hyper-energy, Мэйби in her little blue wig, and the whole iconic crew. The vibes were immaculate... until they weren’t.

So, this group of sus older men—like, total gopnik energy, low-key filthy—started lurking. Their leader, this hulking dude they called "Кабан," apparently recognized Юля because his daughter stan’s her. No cap, the way he was staring at her was so thirsty it was pathetic. He’d gotten her @ from his kid and had been simp-ing over her pics, and now here he was, in the flesh, thinking he had a shot.

The night gets later, the drinks are flowing, and these men start trying their rizz. It’s not working, sheesh. We’re all high-key grossed out. But then Кабан, thinking he’s slick, pulls this move. He “accidentally” bumps into Юля, spilling her drink, and then offers to buy her a whole bottle of the most expensive champagne to apologize. She’s too nice, so she agrees to one drink at their table just to be polite. Big yikes.

I’m watching this go down, and I see his hand “slip” and graze her ass. She freezes, her whole “happy child” persona just shatters. OOF. My protective instincts kick in, but before I can get over there, his buddy "Кирпич" blocks my path, this gross grin on his face, his dick already hard against his pants. He leans in, his breath reeking of vodka, and whispers, “Your little friend is finna get the best dick of her life tonight, whether she wants it or not.”

I was so fucking shook. This was not the main character energy we signed up for.